I honestly wish there was a way I could place extra emphasis on the ‘never’ part of this topic without making it look like some psychotic article, this is because abuse in a relationship should never happen in the first place.
What is Abuse?
Abuse is simply any pattern of behaviour that is characterized by physical and psychological maltreatment. Abuse is usually vetted on another person, it could be on the children, partner and so on.
From the definition above, you can deduce that there are two major classifications of abuse;
· Physical abuse
· Psychological abuse
Physical abuse is simply physical actions carried out on a person. It could be by beating, punching, slapping and so on. The major characteristic of physical abuse is that the effects of this kind of abuse are usually more visible, although sometimes, the use of makeup to cover up the marks from a physical abuse has made it more difficult to identify a woman who is being abused physically.
Psychological abuse, on the other hand, is practically the type of abuse that is usually not seen as it leaves no physical marks or injuries. It is, however, a severe form of mental abuse as it is an abuse targeted at the psychological well-being of a person. Psychological abuse could take the form of, constant disrespect, emotional blackmail and torture, insults and various conversations targeted at bringing down self-esteem.
The thing with abuse in a relationship is that it is a pattern and as a pattern, it is sure to happen AGAIN! He may apologise, he may say he is sorry, but he will hurt you again and again, till you can no longer tell that abuse is wrong because you have become so accustomed to it.
I have experience abuse in a relationship. He constantly used each of my flaws against me, I never felt good enough for him, rather every day, I had to be grateful that he was in a relationship with me. Honestly, it was a terrible experience that sometimes, when I look back, I’m surprised as to how I lasted so long in such a toxic relationship. Most times, after his series of insults and jests, he would apologise promising that it would not happen again, but it kept happening, up until I began to see myself exactly as he saw me, worthless and not worthy of love.
This brings me to why you should NEVER tolerate abuse in relationships;
You lose your sense of self
My relationship with my abusive partner led me to question everything I knew about myself. I used to think I was beautiful, but with him, I began to doubt it. The thing is, it does not just end at doubting your beauty, you also doubt your body, your intelligence, your strength and every other thing you had believed in prior to that relationship. You begin to see yourself as useless and not worthy of whatever love that should be shown to you. Abuse, whether physical or psychological, takes you back to not having confidence in yourself.
It could kill you!
Most people think this only happens to people going through physical abuse because the abusive partner could end up beating the person to death someday, either by mistake or with intention. This is partially true, as death does not just occur in a physically abusive relationship, it can also occur in a relationship with psychological abuse. This is because a person that is being abused psychologically is prone to depression and most times this leads to lack of coordination and suicide in some cases.
So before you forgive that one time abuse and continue the relationship, think of all the goals you have set for yourself and ask yourself if the relationship is worth risking your life and mental health for.
It takes away your peace
Why would you want to give up your peace, your very sweet inner peace, for something that does not give you happiness? Trust me when I tell you that it is nothing is worth losing your peace for. You may think he makes you happy in some weird sort of way, but in truth, he is just taking away whatever sanity you have left.
You can become too needy and dependent
This is because you have come to accept the mirage that your life revolves around this abusive partner and so you tend to become pitifully dependent on this person that constantly hurts you to the extent you begin to see it as normal. Just a quick reminder here, ABUSE IS NOT NORMAL, IT IS VERY WRONG.
Most times, being in an abusive relationship cuts you off from your friends and family. Some abusive partners make you give up your friends and family just so that it would seem that ‘he is all you have’, sometimes, you tend to drift away from friends, due to the shame of what you are going through, fear of judgement or you just generally want to please your abusive partner.
By the time I was out of my abusive relationship, I discovered I barely had any friend left and that was a bad thing because I needed all the support I could get at that point. Do not give up your friends and family especially when your partner is abusive.
Always have at the back of your mind that your partner is totally responsible for his actions, it is not your fault that he hits you or disrespects you, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do. Do not believe that lie.
So do not ever settle for that, once you notice abuse in your relationship, do not tolerate it, leave the relationship as fast as you can.
You are a queen, you deserve better!
Much Love
